She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
