Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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