Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
