remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have fence marks all over my body
I supernannyed him into submission
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
