Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
