so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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