before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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