pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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