I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
as a side note pls kill me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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