oh god the rape fog is back!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
