I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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