There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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