last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
