Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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