I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
