He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
