all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
