Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
