My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
