life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
