Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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