Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
