Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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