We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
