This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
