I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
how does that bad decision feel?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
