You work out of a Hotel?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
