Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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