oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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