If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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