I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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