i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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