i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
