Your dad touched me again.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
