Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
