Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
