he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
