You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
