I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
