you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
