Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
