So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
