this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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