It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I CAN MOONWALK!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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