I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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