Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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