Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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