He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
