well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
