At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
