DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it's like heaven, but drunker
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
