i jhust puked up my retainher.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
