does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
