I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i drank out of a bidet.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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