I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
