mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
