never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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