Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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